Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. Youre wrong. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. Then the unlikely happens. I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. You cant live without food. It may be more than a coincidence that your girlfriend or wife announced she was pregnant right after you broke up with her. April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. Has a great job. But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Think of the children. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . Anyone would be angry in this situation. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Outstanding dont have kids. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. He didn't marry you. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. The pull out method? This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. she's a real bitch. The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. Oh, and I dont hate women who get child support. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? And the man? If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? That still has no impact on my main points. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. He is also probably telling all sorts of lies to keep the LW with him. And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. It could fail. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. John Rohan Boy, for someone who cant live without you, he sure didnt wait to go out and sleep with someone else! . Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. I make no exception for men or women. Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. Ever since U.S. I wouldnt. He knew it but was willing to take that risk just like any man does when they engage in sex with a woman. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. But coke didnt mean for its bottle to explode and take your arm off either. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? Just sayin. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. female BTW, has he heard about condoms?? Let him go. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. There is no way to know this. Whatever. But woman, grow the hell up. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. And not even the most important part. Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? No one called him a criminal. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. It just pays. Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. Temperance Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. AndreaMarie We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. She left me for him and and now wants me back. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. April 9, 2012, 9:20 am. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). I am sorry, but that is just dumb. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? But not usually. And yes it a double standardoh wait men dont have uteruses, silly me. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. So he and the LW should break up for good. Dude, thats seriously out of line. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. We do know that the guy in question didnt use a condom (as you yourself pinted out elsewhere, LW would have def. so we have a 8mth baby. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! Watch your language young lady! According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. lets_be_honest I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. 4. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. Really, people. I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. Bossip Comment Policy Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. I'm devastated and broken. Thats reality. I dont feel like his decision to not be involved in his biological childs life makes him an immature asshole. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. haha I agree. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? So, you read the letter and all of the replies and what you got out of it is that a guy got a girl preganant who he doesnt want to be with his entire life and everyone responding considers him a jackass because of that? Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. So yes, if she is trying to trap him, he should be furious at her. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. Its not a complex procedure. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. Even if you had a vasectomy. Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. Im sorry, but sex creates children. April 9, 2012, 10:29 am. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. We met up again and my family grew fond of him finally. April 11, 2012, 11:50 am. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. At this point I dont think it matters how this woman got pregnant: she did. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. . But it happened. LW: When I started reading this letter I was prepared to tell you to MOA, but by the end I decided that you and your boyfriend sound like equally shitty people! Welcome to parenthood. Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). . If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? Sigh. I had no idea. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. bittergaymark It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created.. For more information, please see our But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. You seem too whiny for most womens taste. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. I chose to have a baby. What a door mat you are! It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. Both men and women create children. April 10, 2012, 7:21 pm. All I can say is therapy. You already have something that will tie you to her for minimum 18 years. Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . Francine Model Mustang. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A It is legal. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? It pays and so do the provider of the sperm. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. Three babies? And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. They Didn't "Win". If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. But now no one wants to deal with it. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! I got angry because it's something he should have told me. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion Yes, its not a crime. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Which is not true. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Because of my family not being to fond of him we broke it off and i was depressed for along time. That wont solve anything. Solved. Youre right, it could be unenforceable. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! Dont engage in the action. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A Abortion is a very personal choice and whether or not this woman chooses to have one is entirely HER business. ! And then of course Ross WE WERE ON A BREAK meltdown. Run like the wind. No. Guy Friday The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. He hadnt. Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. He didnt. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? And you want to marry this guy because.why? You are upset that someone read browbeat into the word ask but you have no problem making up a whole conversation in your head in the same breath no less even though the LW was explicit. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. There were no hard feelings). He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). For whatever reason that may be. Thank God for the real men. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. evanscr05 Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. Now pay for the childs necessities in life. But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. iseeshiny But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. April 9, 2012, 10:12 am. If he truly wants nothing to do with his child and is willing to pay his obligatory financial support, I dont think that makes him a scumbag, I think thats good foresight. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. Because hes treating the mother of his child, and his child, with such disdain and disregarding his responsibility to him/her. If its not easy and its not what one wants, opt out of it. Really!? April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. WTF!!! Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. But, it would have reduced the chances. Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. female Im not arguing that he should be able to force an abortion. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. I think we need to take a poll. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. female Malarky. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. SpaceySteph This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. He explained that they were always arguing, and that they actually broke up when he first talked to me. Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. lets_be_honest Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday.