I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Your habits become your values. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I intend to live forever. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Take a look! I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 64. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Im not insulting you. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. This is a snap. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Sincerely, yourself. 272. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Words have the power to make or break us. 211. I tell you what always catches my eye. 117. 117. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 171. 227. 79. Lily Tomlin Socrates. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 1. Friends buy you food. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Cindy from Marzahn. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 24. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Cry a river. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. P.D. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. And a funny bone. 262. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. 71. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. 112. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. 168. My cankles will hold me. Things are getting better all the time. 144. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily I tried, but they wanted cash. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 163. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Leave me a if you agree! You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 202. Sincerely, yourself. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Steven Alexander Wright Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 236. 52. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 4. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. "Your mistakes don't define you.". happy. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. How do trees access the internet? A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. I dont suffer from insanity. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. 10. You were too lazy to read that number. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. You wanna know who Im in love with? 11. "You have to be odd to be number one.". I'm a peli-can! I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! 196. 138. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 220. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 109. 147. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 215. 161. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 206. 1. The thing is, Im still getting ready. ". Ken Dodd Bill Gates. 107. Im like a postage stamp. Today I was a hero. 41. (John 14:27) 27. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 6. Stuart Turner, 247. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am lazy till I get a motive. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. They planet. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 2. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. When life closes a door, just open it again. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 120. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Envelope. Thank God Im an atheist. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 170. Roy Lichtenstein 3. 130. 230. All you need is love. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. 148. 261. Edward A. Murphy 204. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 193. 152. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 76. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 26. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. How do astronomers organize a party? IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 77. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. I have a lot to offer. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. I am intelligent. 1. You can only be young once. 92. 113. Good morning! I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 107. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 78. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. 102. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 4. When life closes a door, just open it again. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. What is Mozart doing right now? To thrive in life you need three bones. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. Erma Bombeck. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. My mom scolds me for no reason. 92. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Does it count if you say them in your mind? I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Steven Alexander Wright. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Czech proverb Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Bill Murray, 257. It will just flow naturally. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. 198. 169. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. 45. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Why was six scared of seven? Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 126. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. They log in. Confidence makes me powerful. 173. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. - Donald Trump. 47. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. Positive mindset affirmations. 10. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 221. Im like a postage stamp. 270. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 131. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. What do computers eat for a snack? I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. 5. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. 51. Albert Einstein. 217. The rest are too expensive. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop.